Dear Raawan uncle...

Jai Shri Raawan

Dear Raawan uncle

First let me congratulate you to make it to the internet and welcome you to the virtual world. I am starting this page as a tribute to you, who against all odds won my heart to be my super hero. I chose you to be my mentor because I see you all around me. In politicians, policemen, municipality, defense, finance, my boss and his dog, my ex-girlfriends, my in-laws and last but not the least my wife. I would say you are in every one. You are omni present. Every body has Raawanistic characters in them. Raawanism is every where. Raakshas and Raakshis are every where. I first heard your name when my grand mother called me Raawan because I broke her spectacles for the third time in a week. I was a toddler than. I will tell you more about it later.

I want to proudly inform you that once even my daughter was given the part of Raawan in her kindergarten Ram-Leela. I felt like celebrating Diwali in the month of May. As usual my wife played spoil sport and SUGGESTED me not to celebrate the occasion. Anyways, I could not sleep for a week. I was so excited that I felt like jumping and started jumping red lights and now hold world record for most number of challans issued to one single party in a day.

My infatuation started the day I was called Raawan and since then it has grown with me. I started finding more opportunities to be called by your name. My teacher, my father, my mother, my friends, my ex-girlfriends, their parents and now my wife and even my daughter fondly call me Raawan. My in-laws even consider me your direct descendant. I wonder why?

But tell me where I have been wrong to follow my mentor. I have done everything to make you proud of me except of course kidnapping. I really could not do it. Last time I tried that I ended up giving the poor soul my gold chain. My dad thrashed me black and blue.

I think kidnapping and not the prostitution is the oldest profession of the world. It was you my dear sir who introduced the idea of kidnapping. Although in this economically twisted world they do it for a ransom. I am happy to inform you that since its inception, kidnapping has grown to a full fledged and prospering industry. Growing by billions of dollars every year and spreading all across the globe. From Iraq to Idaho, Afghanistan to Amsterdam, Ulhasnagar to Uganda its every where. The criminals are kidnapping people of all race and creed and of all shapes and sizes as well.

The Indian state of Bihar is the “Kidnap Capital” of the world. With Government and administration showing their interest in creating infrastructure and even special schools and colleges for the purpose, this state is going to be the hub of kidnapping industry very soon. The government is also planning to finance and facilitate the kidnappers for buying necessary equipments for kidnapping through the financial institutions and banks. Politicians are already demanding a quota in the parliament for the kidnappers. Honorable Chief Minister of the state of Bihar has even declared a pension scheme for senior kidnappers.

I have also heard it from the grape-vine that the criminals from all across the globe are sending their new recruits to get trained in Bihar. With foreign investments and attention coming in from major players of the world like Afghanistan and Iraq, I can assure you that this state is going to be very rich in no time. Microsoft is also planning to launch a special Window KID-NAP to commemorate the efforts of Bihar and its kidnapper sons. Shortly catching up is the state of Uttar Pradesh.

But sadly enough with a lot of recruitment requirements coming from middle-east these days; we are facing a man-power-crunch. Now this is what I call “Brain Drain”. I think Indian government should do something to stop this exodus of talents from our country.

The modern day kidnappers are equipped with all kinds of gadgets like mobile phones, latest automatic guns and even rocket launchers. I am sure they must be missing that Pushpak thing you used to fly, but never mind; sure enough, some body would catch up with that too. Imagine a kidnapper kidnapping a kidnappee (one who is kidnapped) in a chopper called Pushpak by Hindustan Aeronautics Limited. Oh! I feel like crying.

I will keep you posted from now on, on the current issues. Please bookmark this page and keep coming back every now and then.

With regards

Raawanistically yours

Chota Raawan