What a Match!

Jai Shri Raawan

Dear Raawan uncle

Did you see the match? We won the world cup dude. Oops sorry I didn’t mean to call you dude but you can see I am very excited about the match. It had been a long time since India won a Cricket World cup, 24 years to be precise. These matches were exhilarating. I tell you this T20 is going to be a hit in India. If at all a match of T20 happens in Delhi, I would invite you and buy a ticket for you too, but you will have to manage rest of tickets for your rest of the nine heads your self. My wife would never let me spend that kind of money. This is one of the reasons I think she is your descendant too, just like me.

Ever since the time Indian team reached the finals of the world cup they have been showered with blessings, flowers, wishes, money and in some cases, few of the distinguished team members were showered with bikes and cars too. Wear your helmet Pathan. Incoming!

We (read Indian Cricket team) crushed the English, devoured the South Africans and un-glorified the Aussies. Ok! I know un-glorified is not a word but I love creating new words. So hush! That’s Raawanism. And finally the final we won against our (read Indian Cricket team’s) archrivals, Pakistanis. I am referring to Indian Cricket team again and again because my contribution to the cricket world is strictly restricted to watching matches and that too while drinking beer in my comfortable bedroom or if lucky in a pub with friends. And of course like every other Indian I strongly believe that I can be a very successful captain for Indian Cricket Team. Anyways, the match between India and Pakistan has always been a crowd puller and so it happened this time. I think this battle between these two neighboring countries can fetch crowds even in a jungle of a non-cricket playing nation like Uganda. For the first time in cricket history India and Pakistan reached in the final of a world cup. It was a battle of nerves and patience. I somehow always wanted to call the cricket battle between these two countries a “Battle of Sexes”. This time around when both of the teams were vouching for the world cup I got my chance to call it that way.

Few of my bookie friends told me that all of these matches were rigged. After loosing to India, of course a few of my Pakistani brethrens must be thinking the same way. But, I don’t think so. Except of course I am still wondering how our ex-president Dr. Abdul Kalam got a clue a few months ago that we would win T20 world cup. He said in one of his speeches “India will be a super power in Twenty Twenty.” I have never seen any body predicting the future so right. Pure wisdom and far-sightedness, I would say. Now that Dr. Kalam is retired and must be looking for a job, I think he should contact the Bhai Log of the trade, or may be the Bhai Log must be looking out for him. “Haan bhai aaj ka kya rate nikalna hai India-Australia ke match mein?” asks the chota bhai. “Abey dhakkan Doctor bhai ki koi purani speech nikal ke dekh, apun ka to saara idea fail hai abhi unke aage,” says the beleaguered Dubai Bhai. I have also had it from the grapevine that the Bhai Log has already ordered the copies of all the speeches Dr. Kalam has ever made. Phew! Why couldn’t I think of that?

The men in blue should thank Misbah for his misjudged flick in the end. The Pakistanis should thank Joginder Sharma for all his balls thrown out side the off stump, which made it a close match in the end (does this guy ever bowls straight) and I would like to thank Dhoni for not giving the ball to Joginder Sharma in the bowl-out against Pakistan in the earlier match.

Finally I would like to thank the Indian Cricket team for making us proud.

With regards

Raawanistically yours

Chota Raawan

P.S.: I am serious about buying the tickets sir, but please be prepared to buy 09 tickets.

Dear Raawan uncle...

Jai Shri Raawan

Dear Raawan uncle

First let me congratulate you to make it to the internet and welcome you to the virtual world. I am starting this page as a tribute to you, who against all odds won my heart to be my super hero. I chose you to be my mentor because I see you all around me. In politicians, policemen, municipality, defense, finance, my boss and his dog, my ex-girlfriends, my in-laws and last but not the least my wife. I would say you are in every one. You are omni present. Every body has Raawanistic characters in them. Raawanism is every where. Raakshas and Raakshis are every where. I first heard your name when my grand mother called me Raawan because I broke her spectacles for the third time in a week. I was a toddler than. I will tell you more about it later.

I want to proudly inform you that once even my daughter was given the part of Raawan in her kindergarten Ram-Leela. I felt like celebrating Diwali in the month of May. As usual my wife played spoil sport and SUGGESTED me not to celebrate the occasion. Anyways, I could not sleep for a week. I was so excited that I felt like jumping and started jumping red lights and now hold world record for most number of challans issued to one single party in a day.

My infatuation started the day I was called Raawan and since then it has grown with me. I started finding more opportunities to be called by your name. My teacher, my father, my mother, my friends, my ex-girlfriends, their parents and now my wife and even my daughter fondly call me Raawan. My in-laws even consider me your direct descendant. I wonder why?

But tell me where I have been wrong to follow my mentor. I have done everything to make you proud of me except of course kidnapping. I really could not do it. Last time I tried that I ended up giving the poor soul my gold chain. My dad thrashed me black and blue.

I think kidnapping and not the prostitution is the oldest profession of the world. It was you my dear sir who introduced the idea of kidnapping. Although in this economically twisted world they do it for a ransom. I am happy to inform you that since its inception, kidnapping has grown to a full fledged and prospering industry. Growing by billions of dollars every year and spreading all across the globe. From Iraq to Idaho, Afghanistan to Amsterdam, Ulhasnagar to Uganda its every where. The criminals are kidnapping people of all race and creed and of all shapes and sizes as well.

The Indian state of Bihar is the “Kidnap Capital” of the world. With Government and administration showing their interest in creating infrastructure and even special schools and colleges for the purpose, this state is going to be the hub of kidnapping industry very soon. The government is also planning to finance and facilitate the kidnappers for buying necessary equipments for kidnapping through the financial institutions and banks. Politicians are already demanding a quota in the parliament for the kidnappers. Honorable Chief Minister of the state of Bihar has even declared a pension scheme for senior kidnappers.

I have also heard it from the grape-vine that the criminals from all across the globe are sending their new recruits to get trained in Bihar. With foreign investments and attention coming in from major players of the world like Afghanistan and Iraq, I can assure you that this state is going to be very rich in no time. Microsoft is also planning to launch a special Window KID-NAP to commemorate the efforts of Bihar and its kidnapper sons. Shortly catching up is the state of Uttar Pradesh.

But sadly enough with a lot of recruitment requirements coming from middle-east these days; we are facing a man-power-crunch. Now this is what I call “Brain Drain”. I think Indian government should do something to stop this exodus of talents from our country.

The modern day kidnappers are equipped with all kinds of gadgets like mobile phones, latest automatic guns and even rocket launchers. I am sure they must be missing that Pushpak thing you used to fly, but never mind; sure enough, some body would catch up with that too. Imagine a kidnapper kidnapping a kidnappee (one who is kidnapped) in a chopper called Pushpak by Hindustan Aeronautics Limited. Oh! I feel like crying.

I will keep you posted from now on, on the current issues. Please bookmark this page and keep coming back every now and then.

With regards

Raawanistically yours

Chota Raawan