Ronen Chicken

Jai Shri Raawan

Dear Raawan Uncle

The Raawan of the week award goes to Mr. Ronen Sen, though he is caught in a time of trouble. The India’s ambassador to the US has ventured into the territory, which is only equivalent to scaling on a Marsian Everest. What he has done is in true Raawanism spirit. How can you call an Indian politician a headless chicken? I mean it could have been spineless monkey, toothless elephant or may be a heartless hippopotamus, but no sir he had to call them a headless chicken. Under no legitimate circumstances, you can call an Indian Humorless Politician a Headless Chicken.

He also kept on reiterating that he used headless chicken thing for the scribes. Now he will be tried on two counts. He firstly used abusive language against our politicians (hoh….) and now he is calling them liars (bigger hohhhhhh…)

Now he will be ambushed from all the corners. The recent news is that he is called back to face the privilege committees from both Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha. Also he will be given a book to read in the parliament, named, “Count your chicken before they hatch.” So it would be all chicken and eggs for him despite being a Navaratra week. Right after the committee’s hearings he will be put on an aircraft and be dispatched to Rwanda as a High Commissioner (Jhinga lala huh…).

So what exactly is a headless chicken anyways? I think by saying a headless he meant brainless and by saying chicken he meant… well, chicken. So that means he wanted to call them brainless chicken. That’s so brainless thing to do Mr. Ambassador.

There is another storm brewing up in the other part of Delhi. Next week there is a meeting being called by The Great Indian Chicken Association (TGICA). Chickens from all over the country will stage a protest and give a memorandum to honorable Prime minister. “We can’t take it any more ji. We are being compared with a politician, hain ji, that’s way below our standard ji. We chicken brothers haven’t been able to recuperate well from the last bout of bird flu ji and now this, and then people expect us to be tasty and fresh on their platter ji. This is way too much to ask from a chicken ji, I am telling you,” informed the convener of the association, Kukar Singh. “We are completely shattered ji and really angry with the government ji. We want the government to take stern action against the guilty ji, there is no way government can get away with it, haan ji,” he further added. “We chicken eat worms, not words like politicians,” pressed Kaka Singh the young president of The Little Chick Association of India. (TLCAI). It’s also on the grape wine that TGICA is forming its own under-privilege committee to hear Mr. Sen out. So now he will face three committees.

Meanwhile my neighborhood Dhaba owner is busy working on a new recipe containing chicken and is intending to name it “Ronen Chicken.” “I thought I should take the advantage of the situation. I am not reveling the contents of the recipe yet and planning to launch the “Ronen Chicken” right after the Navratras, and also my boys will serve the platter wearing Khadi,” informs the proud owner, Dhakkan Kumar.

All the best Mr. Sen, welcome back to India and reality. Please bring your best face to face the committee, not that chicken wala. That’s so Raawanistic of me to say, LOL.

Chow for now,

Raawanistically yours

Chota Raawan

What a Match!

Jai Shri Raawan

Dear Raawan uncle

Did you see the match? We won the world cup dude. Oops sorry I didn’t mean to call you dude but you can see I am very excited about the match. It had been a long time since India won a Cricket World cup, 24 years to be precise. These matches were exhilarating. I tell you this T20 is going to be a hit in India. If at all a match of T20 happens in Delhi, I would invite you and buy a ticket for you too, but you will have to manage rest of tickets for your rest of the nine heads your self. My wife would never let me spend that kind of money. This is one of the reasons I think she is your descendant too, just like me.

Ever since the time Indian team reached the finals of the world cup they have been showered with blessings, flowers, wishes, money and in some cases, few of the distinguished team members were showered with bikes and cars too. Wear your helmet Pathan. Incoming!

We (read Indian Cricket team) crushed the English, devoured the South Africans and un-glorified the Aussies. Ok! I know un-glorified is not a word but I love creating new words. So hush! That’s Raawanism. And finally the final we won against our (read Indian Cricket team’s) archrivals, Pakistanis. I am referring to Indian Cricket team again and again because my contribution to the cricket world is strictly restricted to watching matches and that too while drinking beer in my comfortable bedroom or if lucky in a pub with friends. And of course like every other Indian I strongly believe that I can be a very successful captain for Indian Cricket Team. Anyways, the match between India and Pakistan has always been a crowd puller and so it happened this time. I think this battle between these two neighboring countries can fetch crowds even in a jungle of a non-cricket playing nation like Uganda. For the first time in cricket history India and Pakistan reached in the final of a world cup. It was a battle of nerves and patience. I somehow always wanted to call the cricket battle between these two countries a “Battle of Sexes”. This time around when both of the teams were vouching for the world cup I got my chance to call it that way.

Few of my bookie friends told me that all of these matches were rigged. After loosing to India, of course a few of my Pakistani brethrens must be thinking the same way. But, I don’t think so. Except of course I am still wondering how our ex-president Dr. Abdul Kalam got a clue a few months ago that we would win T20 world cup. He said in one of his speeches “India will be a super power in Twenty Twenty.” I have never seen any body predicting the future so right. Pure wisdom and far-sightedness, I would say. Now that Dr. Kalam is retired and must be looking for a job, I think he should contact the Bhai Log of the trade, or may be the Bhai Log must be looking out for him. “Haan bhai aaj ka kya rate nikalna hai India-Australia ke match mein?” asks the chota bhai. “Abey dhakkan Doctor bhai ki koi purani speech nikal ke dekh, apun ka to saara idea fail hai abhi unke aage,” says the beleaguered Dubai Bhai. I have also had it from the grapevine that the Bhai Log has already ordered the copies of all the speeches Dr. Kalam has ever made. Phew! Why couldn’t I think of that?

The men in blue should thank Misbah for his misjudged flick in the end. The Pakistanis should thank Joginder Sharma for all his balls thrown out side the off stump, which made it a close match in the end (does this guy ever bowls straight) and I would like to thank Dhoni for not giving the ball to Joginder Sharma in the bowl-out against Pakistan in the earlier match.

Finally I would like to thank the Indian Cricket team for making us proud.

With regards

Raawanistically yours

Chota Raawan

P.S.: I am serious about buying the tickets sir, but please be prepared to buy 09 tickets.