Religion and us

Jai Shri Raawan

Dear Raawan uncle

While thinking about the subject I often end up with mixed feeling of contempt and contentment. Contempt, because I do not subscribe to the rituals or faith of the religion, and contentment, well… because of the same reason. That simply means I don’t believe in the concept of God or religion for the same reason that the believers have. I have sinned. Funny no? I will explain.

What is God and why do we believe in Him? God as I see is a name given to an unseen power by none other than human beings. Just like we gave name to Gravity, Relativity and Heavens and Hell. We love giving each other a name and often end up calling a few. God I think is another concept that was created in the intricate web of human mind. We are the only sane living being on the planet those are blessed with a brain which can think logically and theoretically. As a child we are so innocent by heart and mind that even death doesn’t mean anything to us. And while we grow we start believing in things which are told to us. We are brought up in an environment where we are more being trained to be fearful than to be logical. I often hear people saying that they are God-fearing people. If you love, believe and have full faith in God, why the fear word then? Why do you have to live in fear of him? Just because you have sinned. Sins, I will explain later in this article.

Sometimes I think religion doesn’t hurt but the rituals and practices associated with it, does.

We believe more in fantasies than in the real life. That is the only reason we believe in The Holy Books, and not in any other literature of the world. The worst happens when we read it and relate the contents with our assumptions. Most of the learned people haven’t even read it. We believed what was told to us, by various channels. Whatever written in these books are more boring than meaningful, I assume. To me an autobiography of a human being is more important than the morals and values mentioned in the holy books. Because that is what I am a human being. There can be nothing more important than understanding a fellow human being or another earthling may be. We often do not accept the fact that the study of human characters is more important than the fictions written by our forefathers. We need to understand that they wrote those of the holy books because in that time of history they never had a good reason to pass their time or to entertain themselves. They never had Televisions, Mobile phones, Cinema, internet or the strip clubs. Whatever they have written is right but it was good enough for their time period only. We have grown many a folds since these books were put on the paper. We have grown psychologically. Our morals and values have changed with times. We don’t need the sermon of archaic morals and masked values thrown on us. Some would say we do need them for the sake of culture, I would say I would beg to differ.

What is a culture? Cultures are made and defined as per the need of the society under current circumstances and for current generations. And seriously guys I am society. How can an old culture or a ritual fit in modern day life style? Its nothing more than confusing yourself. We already have a billion problems to solve every day. Why carry an extra burden on your mind? Just because my parents want me to do that or the society expects me to do that because I am of a particular age group. I tell you guys we are killing ourselves. Not only we are killing ourselves mentally but also giving wrong upbringing to our children. The generation gap consists of the elder one not accepting the change and the younger one not accepting to stop and never change. I wish I will tell my daughter to visit my parents more often than visiting a temple. I wish I would tell her to accept her character of hurting people than to be fearful and visit a temple to cleanse her sins.

Often we forget that why we are on the planet, why there are so many obvious things around us. The logic says after the big bang the atoms and particles started multiplying and created an angry star called Sun and then relatively subdued planets like ours. After a zillion years of fusions and fissions we came to existence. It took us another ten thousand years to reach at a level where we are today. But religions say God created all this. Now a question for the believers. If God created us than are we just a chemical formulae of His lab which he achieved by fusions and fissions of various chemicals thrown in together? I don’t think so. I for once believe that I am created by my mother and not by a miracle of God, because if I would have been a miracle than I would have had the powers of Superman, not a defective leg at the least. But I have powers limited to my comfort zone, nothing more. The power of my mind is bigger than anything else I could think of.

Once I visited a doctor for I had a running nose. He simply told me to stop using ice cubes along with my drinks. It made sense alright but then he started telling me not to use the ice cubes ever again. I confronted him asked for the reason. Here is what he said. “You see God created Ice, we created Ice cubes. He wanted us to feel cold, we started making things cold. Hence you have a cold and would remain till the time you have stopped using the man made cold things.” To an extent that made sense. We cannot or rather should not interfere with the things Nature created for us to enjoy but he related the whole scene with the faith in God which I found rather un-compelling.

People believe in something for the reasons of fear and satisfaction. Fear for the worst and satisfaction of the mind. Fear, greed, satisfaction, contentment and commitment are a few emotions that breed conviction. People behave as per their convictions. Here I would logically defy the presence of soul, at least in me. I am soulless. The more I think about being a soulless person the more comfortable I feel with myself. I think if I don’t have a soul than whatever I have done to hurt others makes sense to me and I don’t need to subscribe to the concept of God. See the fear is out for once. I am convinced and have accepted that I am sinful hence I don’t need to be conscious of myself. But at the same time I am afraid of death as every human being living on the planet. Although nobody would acknowledge it but it’s a fact that everyone wants to go to the heaven but nobody wants to die (this line is an excerpt from the internet).

We have commercialized everything in the process of evolution, including religion that is. God men of today are no more than the investment bankers. You invest your money and faith in them and they will invest your money and their faith in making real estate and share market investments. They are the manipulator of the words and we listen to them just to be psychologically satisfied. Why can’t we be satisfied with our own existence? Why do we need people to tell us what is right and what is not? For me nothing is wrong and everything is right as long as I am not hurting anybody. But I do that, sometimes unknowingly sometimes wishfully. It’s absolutely natural and human thing to do. I would do whatever is logically right even if it means somebody is getting hurt in the process. We need to accept we are like that only and no astrology, mythology or religion can help us in not doing so.

Sins are part and parcels of human existence. If God is there he only wants us to commit sins too. Sins are equally important to live your life as often in sins you find a blessed moment. That is definitely human character, may be Raawanistic, if you see it that way. I can say, that so far I have lived my life to the fullest, for various sins I have committed. Tomorrow if I die I wish I would go smiling because of all the naughty things I have done in my life. Like if it’s a sin to lie to your parents or spouse that you are at work while you are at a pub enjoying a few drinks with your friends. Than I have sinned and I loved every part of it, because I had had blast of the time with my friends. Hell, its my fundamental right to be happy and enjoying. I don’t want to go cribbing for the things I have never achieved. I have achieved enough to be on the other side of the truth. As of today I have accepted that and I think this makes me keep going.

Having said all the above things, I believe more in human tendencies than the hand of fate in my existence. These are my thoughts, you may be of a different opinion. I can argue with you if you have an open mind to discuss it. But if you come to me with closed mindset and try to impose your faith in me than I am sorry, I don’t have time for this. Call me a Raawanistic Agnostic if you have to. In anticipation of all the back lashing I am going to receive after this, I apologies for me being logical myself. As once somebody said “I would rather like to be hated for what I am than to be loved for what I am not.” I can live with that.

Chow for now

Raawanistically yours

Chota Raawan

Life without the Left

Jai Shri Raawan

Dear Raawan uncle

The marriage between the congress and the left has reached to the point of divorce, which was bound to happen anyways. Surprisingly it took longer time than expected. You can easily assume that this marriage was as good as a Hollywood marriage. I remember that because of Jayalalitha the Atal government was shown the door, which in turn opened the door for the UPA government to come into the power. In fact Atal was never famous among women so much so that he had always been raped by them. Mamta Banerjee walked out on him, Jayalalitha took her support back from his back bone and the rest of the damage was done by Sonia Gandhi.

As in marriage, in a coalition government, its often difficult to understand sometimes that who wears the pants in the house (read Parliament). As it seemed like Left was wearing the pant, The Congress did what most of the men do in the marriage. They keep a keep and SP is a happy keep. After a long time you can see so much of glow on Amar Singh’s face. After all he is going to be a cabinate minister soon. I think he uses glitters on his face too. Never mind, his using glitters is not the matter of concern, as a matter of fact for Congress, proving majority in the Parliament would be. I seriously hope Manmohan Singh and Sonia Gandhi have done their counting right on this one. Sonia in Italian and Manmohan Singh in Punjabi.

I really don’t like people who sabotage the process of development, and to a layman Left did exactly that. They could have fought for a good cause may be like inflation, development or electricity, but not this. I don’t know jack shit about the Nuclear Deal but if leaders of G8 are saying this is good for the country than it must be. Whether Congress has sold the country or not The Left sold their conscience. Its pinching a bit too much because Manmohan Singh was out of country and even the President was out of town too. I think congress should fight back fairly and squarely. They should even go on a honeymoon with their new keep and do a bit extra to show that they are a happy couple. Well, Manmohan Singh and Amar Singh as a honeymooning couple hmmm, I don’t know, a bit strange and weird. But that’s Raawanism.

Amar Singh interestingly was in limelight when UP government induced Amitabh Bachhan in land deal case. Amar Singh was too happy to announce that he and Amitabh Bachhan were being harassed because of their ideological differences with the Congress government sitting pretty in the Centre. Now that the differences are settled they are getting married. Politics is just like marriage, where you tend to sleep with the enemy, habitually/ invariably/ perpetually. I am getting weird ideas Manmohan Singh sleeping with Amar Singh, hmmm, that’s even gross. But that’s Raawanism.

Its even better for The Bachhan family, they will come close to the Gandhi family again. Happy days are here again. But for how long? 4 months, six at the max. Than we would see Lal Krishna Advani as our new Prime Minister and Raj Nath Singh as a Deputy Prime Minister. But one thing is for sure Laloo Prashad Yadav and Ram Vilas Paswan would still be here in the corridors of power as they shift their support to the ruling alliance faster than you can say shift. They were there in the NDA government and they are in the UPA government, and god bless they would still be here in the next NDA government. Amazing isn’t it, but that’s politics. Another thing I found out interesting about this vote of confidence is that 05 of the MPs will be supporting the UPA government from the luxuries of various jails of India. The great democracy we are the greater hypocrite we are.

Another surprise is that the UPA regime is not famous among the animals too. Ever since the news came out that the Left is pulling the plug on the UPA, the Bulls and Bears are out for shopping. In share market that is. Are they pro NDA government now? We will see in the very near future, till then, keep your comments coming on my blogs.

Chow for now

Raawanistically yours

Chota Raawan

Reservations on reservation

Jai Shri Raawan

Dear Raawan uncle

Ignorance is not always a bliss and Vasundhara Raje Schindia ji has learned it a hard way. Since one Colonel is heading the agitation against her Government, she would never hire a Colonel in her government. The Government of Rajasthan is ignoring the Gujjars or as it is said. Gujjars are demanding to be included in Schedule Tribe category. And why not, S.C’s and S.T.’s are enjoying better privilege than the rest of the mortal souls (politicians and celebs not included) of India.

They require less percentage to get an admission in an educational institution, then to pass out from that institute they require even less percentage. They don’t need much of an effort to get a job, as almost 50% of the jobs are already there for them to take. They get more opportunities by way of out of turn promotions in all departments. In all they lead a very-very happy life. Come to think of it Raawan Uncle, you should have asked for the reservation too. A “Positive Berth” in the books of History at the least. Now all they need to ask is to reserve 50% of all the women of India for them. Since they got what they wanted I have my plans too.

When I think of reservations of various castes, tribes and backward classes I have my reservations too. I am having reservations more about people like me, the people who are unsafe in Delhi and people who are drunkard also. Did I say Unsafe? Men? Since when that has started happening? That’s Raawanism, read on.

We often hear people asking questions like how safe women are in Delhi. How safe senior citizens are in Delhi? How safe Children are in Delhi? But nobody cares about us men. By asking such questions they simply ignore men especially of the age group between 25-50. I mean an entire generation of people is ignored. So is it really that nobody cares about us. And by god! Nobody is going to care about my well being for the next 16 yrs or so, that’s a scary thought.

Let’s see how unsafe I am in Delhi by the current scenario. Right from the beginning of my day till late in the evening I am all prone to the nags of my wife. I might as well get mugged by the muggers and the cops. Some better drunkard than me might hit me with his vehicle. There are so many things that can happen to me. By ignoring all of us government and society in general are ignoring a vital portion of their future, and ignoring is not always bliss, remember.

I might plan to agitate for the cause of drunkards. Yes as a respectable drunkard I think it is my fundamental right and humble duty to ask for reservation in all the government or government aided institutes and departments. I have my reasons to do that.

Like for one the SC’s, ST’s and OBC’s, like bapu said were always an oppressed lot, they were always treated in an inhuman way hence they require reservations. Similar is the case is with drunkards they are often treated as untouchables. No sane woman would talk to us for more than 07 minutes, unless she had been drinking too. Non-drinkers envy us. Isn’t it human rights violations? That’s actually a great idea to involve Human Rights activists in my agitation against the Government.

Now Gujjars are saying that they are poor enough to miss out on their tractor’s installments. Well hello… why do you think Vijay Mallaya is so rich. It is all our money. In India drunkards spend more money, monthly, than the annual budget of Uganda. Hence we are also poor, and hence we need reservation. Now the wish list. I can give you at least 327.5 demands I have, but I don’t want you to get into details. Here is a draft of the memorandum to the Government of India from The All India Byovara Association:

• We want at least 50% reservations in all educational institutes, central and state government entities.
• We even want a bar in every Government owned building including local police stations and picket posts. We wouldn’t mind if the women police personals come forward and become a bartender for us.
• The liquor vends should be made open on 24/7 and on pan India basis.
• Alcohol Subsidy.
• We would even suggest you to promote small ice-cream-carts type Liquor-vending-carts, to be installed on every corner of the country.
• A special insurance scheme should be launched and also the premium be paid, by the Government.
• Free Medi Care.
• Free Bus, Train, Air travel, because we often even don’t know the difference.
• Alcohol products should be made available on Ration Cards, on all Ration shops.
• A constitution should be passed to punish all the wives who nag us for drinking.
• I would suggest you to create a different quota all together for us. Now that will read like S.C.’s, S.T’s, OBC’s and Byovara’s…
• It should be made mandatory for every individual to carry a bottle of a whiskey, always, period.
• Two-wheelers and four-wheelers should be made with fancy glass holders all around. It should be made mandatory as in the case of Seat belts.
• For the sake Byovara brethren of poor community, I request to make it mandatory for all municipal corporations to clean the gutters regularly. And if possible make arrangements for the beddings too.

These are just a few demands, the list could be endless. I request you to throw in your two cents as I am yet to prepare my final list to be put in front of the Government.

Please leave your traces on comments page.

Chow for now

Raawanistically yours

Chota Raawan

Food for Thought

Raawan of the year goes to the President of the U. S. of A.

I now realize that my eating habits are not only hurting my denim’s buttons but my fellow earthlings also. One is a case of The Americans, rest pertains to the women I had been on. The Americans are disturbed the way I eat and how much I eat. Even though a content of my meal doesn’t even match the things they are stuffing themselves with. For instance we use Olive oil for other reasons than the Americans do. I hope you don’t want me to explain it here.

When Mr. George W. Bush included me in his speech it was the most proud moment of my life. I mean the first man of the earth mentioning me in his speech; it’s a great achievement, no? Now somebody would ask that when the heck this Bush guy talked about this Raawan thing. Well he talked about people of Indian Middle Class, I am The Indian middle class, eating up all the resources of the world, ME. Got it.

Prosperity in countries like INDIA is "good" but it triggers increased demand for "better nutrition" which in turn leads to higher food prices, US President George W Bush said.

Mr. Bush was a cheerleader of the Phillips Academy, he is still doing the same thing but now he is a leader who is cheering masses with his misunderestimated speeches. By the way Mr. Bush created the “misunderestimated” word, that’s Raawanism. He is the only person in the world who can originate a word like this because he is the most misunderestimated guy on the planet. Most misunderestimated because the other dude is Rajni Kanth. I can still remember once Mr. Bush said “Humans and fishes can co-exist peacefully.” Basking in the glory of his wisdom he forgot to mention whether he foresee it happening over the water or under. He did not even mention whether we would be able to copulate with the fishes or not. Also I think he should write dialogues for Rajni Kanth. This way a viewer will get two for the price of one. Misunderestimated stunts and misunderestimated dialogues. What a treat…

Another thing Mr. Bush pointed at was that we Indians were always eating less nutritious food, and we are now demanding more nutritious food. Dude I bet my fat behind, that you haven’t been to India or at least you know jack s.it about Indian cuisine. The least we can do is that we can dispatch a Dilli Police-walah for you to have a BIIIIG look at. We Indians are so obese that even food that we eat dread to enter in our bowels. We talk while eating to lessen the noise of the guerrilla warfare happening in our stomachs. Now you know why we have noisy restaurants.

We Indians are having our “better and nutritious food” since America wasn’t even there in existence, and this dude is telling the world that we are now prosperous enough to demand better and nutritious food. Might I say GROW UP. For Americans I think good and nutritious food means a Double Chicken Burger at McDonald's of course with a Diet coke, but for us its Butter Roti and Butter Chicken with Lassi. I wish I could serve him with that. He would skip his three meals in a row, right after eating this nutritious diet.

Well Indians are always blamed for one thing or the other, but this certainly is the best one coming from the leading man of the planet. The next thing we know is we are blamed for a chimpanzee slapping Mr. Bush for looking like him (the chimpanzee). Hats off to his creative team for such a brilliant idea to make Americans look like an idiot, that too, again… Anyways, blame us Indians for any crisis but you can never blame us for producing a stupid politician, that’s RAAWANISM…

Chow for now

Raawanistically yours

Chota Raawan

What woman wants…?

I finally managed to crack the code of a puzzle which dazzled the human brains (male) for centuries. Its better than cracking The Da Vinci Code. It was so simple to do that even fifth grader could have done it, or better yet Shahrukh Khan. I now know what woman wants. I am strongly of a view that a woman wants a woman, well… as a companion. Its, what they want, or better, say they want feminine characters in men. Now that you know finally what woman wants, I am going to explain my research analysis.

She wants her man to be sensual, sensitive, caring, affectionate and blah, blah, blah and etc… Weren’t those of the male macho characters that the cave woman liked when she got attracted to the cave man? The cave woman certainly had fallen for his manly characters. His unmatched quality for hunting the birds with boomerang. Killing a lion for her new lingerie. Watching kids playing with the pet lion was his favorite time pass, “Ooops… darling here goes your daughter from the neighbor, you can always call him home again, no sweat.”

All those manly characters that she liked in cave man, evaporated in like 40,000 years and it changed the whole concept of marriage.

Lets consider the case of one beautiful night, when right after having the supper, the couple is sitting in their bed, talking. Woman talking about how she managed to faux-pass man’s mother. Man busy in his thoughts surfing channels, TV on mute. Now what do you think the two are thinking.

Man: If only she could be silent for a minute I would know what Rachel and Ross are talking about in “Friends”. Necessity is the mother of invention, like lip reading. Learn Lip reading, dude. Some of my friends told me that they are very good at lip reading. They would simply switch to a news channel and let there lip reading expertise to work for them, or at least they can read the scrolling bar.

Woman: If only he cares about me and loves me, he could at least look at me while I am speaking to him. He doesn’t love me anymore, or may be I looking fat. Am I looking fat? Our cat is growing fatter; I need to check what she eats… and so on and on and on.

I tell you guys Hoongah the cave man was a patient man. He did not even have a TV set. He must have spent his evenings looking at the empty walls of his stone cave. Now that’s what I call mute. That must be really frustrating. Equally for you Raawan uncle, you too did not have TV sets in your times. But you could afford all those belly dancers in your personnel harem. Those girls must have been a great help.

Any ways men and women think differently, so differently that the interior decorations of their minds are different. While woman’s brain is multicolored and there are frills all around, man’s brain has all the toys and tanks and the tank tops he removed, too. You would not find men talking about their favorite colors; they prefer to talk about their favorite beer, or favorite neighbor’s wife. But woman wants her husband to talk of beauty and colors, which is not a manly thing to do. Hence proved: she wants a woman to talk to. If only the sex part of the marriage is taken out just to think about the possibility, I think a woman can live with a woman for centuries. Talking.

It would be a convenience-of-sort kind of relation. They can share the daily chores. Like Miss A (sorry Mrs.) can wash the clothes one day and Mrs. B can do the laundry the other day. An entire day would be kept for bitching after every 28 days. The house would smell like a temple, and it would be as clean a house as it was never used, for years at end. A fat proportion (say 93.87%) of the household income would be spent on telephone and credit card bills.

A room would be dedicated to the topless posters of Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, all the Khans, Abhishek Bachhan, Hritik Roshan and Bobby Darling, oops, sorry not at least Bobby Darling, topless Karan Johar would still be better. A room can also be dedicated to stuffed toys, or may be we could avoid that, as a girl or two can easily fit in a six-by-six foot bed with fifty stuffed toys. Some times I think it’s a matter of choice, but we would not discuss it here.

No questions would be asked if somebody is crying in home. Crying would be treated as a healthy exercise in the household. In fact an hour can be kept for crying, daily, as house chores. In-laws would be treated (or not treated) equally. An entire legislation can be jotted for what and what not to be taken from the in-laws, as an advice. Nagging would be treated as holy practice.

It would actually be a dream world for woman, and I think its worth a shot, what say you. Do let me know.

Chow for now

Raawanistically yours

Chota Raawan

Monkey Business

Jai Shri Raawan

Dear Raawan Uncle

For the past few months India had been busy celebrating Dusherra, Id, Diwali, Christmas, New Year and the great fall of Share Market. Everybody was busy distributing their hard earned money; to the people they seldom meet in person, in all the above cases. I often think that what is so great about this holy festival that we enjoy. I could not think of anything better than playing JUA with my cousins, which appeals to me most about this festival. Irony is that we all have forgotten the true purpose of this festival and the true meaning of festivities that is playing cards. Or so I think, but my wife doesn’t. All it matters these days is how much money you can spend on crackers and gifts. Everything is commercialized including Diwali and why not, after all it is all about Laxmi, Laxmi and well Laxmi…

Anyways I went into deep depression soon after seeing your effigy burning to flames on Dusherra grounds. It really hurts me. It took four months, a harsh winter, an American recession and a steep share market fall to make me come out of the depression. And not to forget the efforts made by Zee TV to convince me that you were very much alive in your times. Come to think of this, do you think all the above calamities are happening because of my state of mind. Some would say I need anti-depressants again. But hey who cares. Lets get on with the Diwali thing…

It all started when, well… right after you died. They started celebrating as soon as you took your last breath and left for heavenly abode. As unwise as I can be, I don’t understand what is so bad about you avenging for your sister’s nose. I think it all started there. Why Laxman had to do that? Who in his sane mind would chop somebody’s nose off? Somebody needed psychic help back then or may be a self help book. I mean I wouldn’t even tell my mother in law that she looks like a truck even if she does. I swear I never did. But Laxman had to do it. And then all you did was abducted Shri Ram’s wife. Now what is so bad about it? I mean ask any married man of today. They would be rather happy and even pay you to do that. On the other hand I think you only wanted to tell these two brothers that under no circumstances they can chop somebody’s sister’s nose off. That is why you kidnapped Sita and flew her to your own kingdom. Now that was a modest thing to do. You could have chopped Sita’s nose too, but you didn’t. That’s chivalry and Raawanism.

Then one fine morning you realize you have an army of Monkeys, Eagles and Beers with a few men at your doorstep for rescue operations. You can fight men or women if needed be, but birds and animals that too as dangerous as monkeys. Give me a break, they bite you know. That was an unethical thing to do. I think you didn’t have “code-of-conduct-during-war” kind of thing back then. I sincerely hope Osama-bin-Laden and Musharaf wouldn’t take a clue from here. Monkeys for army, great, lets show them the videos, teach them to swear for Jihad and send them to America and Kashmir.

Talking about monkeys, another monkey business that caught my attention is an allegation on an Indian who called an Australian a monkey. Indians living or going overseas are developing a habit of relating people with animals and birds. First Mr. Ronen “Chicken” Sen called our politicians chickens and caught himself boiled in a soup. And now Bhajji called Symonds a monkey, or so it seems now. I could still remember my mother fondly calling me “Baandar kahin ka” out of sheer affection. For me or the monkey I can now question my mother for the same. Or… I can simply ask her to call me “Symonds kahin ka, or Andy kahin ka,” whatever she prefers. But at least I will be feeling proud to be referred as such a great batsman.

Now that Justice Hansen has given his judgement that Bhajji did not call Symonds a monkey but used only abusive language as light as “Teri Ma Ki…”, which in turn calls for a lesser punishment. Now I know that while playing an international match you can swear by somebody’s mother or sister but can not call him a four legged free soul of the trees. So much so that for gentlemen’s game and decency, that’s Raawanism I must tell you.

Another thing that came out of the Indo-Aussie series is that no umpire in the world would give an Indian a Leg Before Wicket out. You can read the expression on the umpire’s face when asked by the ballers on the field, its like “Are you nuts, looook, he is an Indian, I cant give him LBW out. I don’t know about you but I will be thrown out of the series.”

To update you, do watch out the tri-nation series that includes India, Australia and your own country Sri Lanka. I will keep you posted unless I go into the depression again.

Chow for now

Raawanistically yours

Chota Raawan

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