Reservations on reservation

Jai Shri Raawan

Dear Raawan uncle

Ignorance is not always a bliss and Vasundhara Raje Schindia ji has learned it a hard way. Since one Colonel is heading the agitation against her Government, she would never hire a Colonel in her government. The Government of Rajasthan is ignoring the Gujjars or as it is said. Gujjars are demanding to be included in Schedule Tribe category. And why not, S.C’s and S.T.’s are enjoying better privilege than the rest of the mortal souls (politicians and celebs not included) of India.

They require less percentage to get an admission in an educational institution, then to pass out from that institute they require even less percentage. They don’t need much of an effort to get a job, as almost 50% of the jobs are already there for them to take. They get more opportunities by way of out of turn promotions in all departments. In all they lead a very-very happy life. Come to think of it Raawan Uncle, you should have asked for the reservation too. A “Positive Berth” in the books of History at the least. Now all they need to ask is to reserve 50% of all the women of India for them. Since they got what they wanted I have my plans too.

When I think of reservations of various castes, tribes and backward classes I have my reservations too. I am having reservations more about people like me, the people who are unsafe in Delhi and people who are drunkard also. Did I say Unsafe? Men? Since when that has started happening? That’s Raawanism, read on.

We often hear people asking questions like how safe women are in Delhi. How safe senior citizens are in Delhi? How safe Children are in Delhi? But nobody cares about us men. By asking such questions they simply ignore men especially of the age group between 25-50. I mean an entire generation of people is ignored. So is it really that nobody cares about us. And by god! Nobody is going to care about my well being for the next 16 yrs or so, that’s a scary thought.

Let’s see how unsafe I am in Delhi by the current scenario. Right from the beginning of my day till late in the evening I am all prone to the nags of my wife. I might as well get mugged by the muggers and the cops. Some better drunkard than me might hit me with his vehicle. There are so many things that can happen to me. By ignoring all of us government and society in general are ignoring a vital portion of their future, and ignoring is not always bliss, remember.

I might plan to agitate for the cause of drunkards. Yes as a respectable drunkard I think it is my fundamental right and humble duty to ask for reservation in all the government or government aided institutes and departments. I have my reasons to do that.

Like for one the SC’s, ST’s and OBC’s, like bapu said were always an oppressed lot, they were always treated in an inhuman way hence they require reservations. Similar is the case is with drunkards they are often treated as untouchables. No sane woman would talk to us for more than 07 minutes, unless she had been drinking too. Non-drinkers envy us. Isn’t it human rights violations? That’s actually a great idea to involve Human Rights activists in my agitation against the Government.

Now Gujjars are saying that they are poor enough to miss out on their tractor’s installments. Well hello… why do you think Vijay Mallaya is so rich. It is all our money. In India drunkards spend more money, monthly, than the annual budget of Uganda. Hence we are also poor, and hence we need reservation. Now the wish list. I can give you at least 327.5 demands I have, but I don’t want you to get into details. Here is a draft of the memorandum to the Government of India from The All India Byovara Association:

• We want at least 50% reservations in all educational institutes, central and state government entities.
• We even want a bar in every Government owned building including local police stations and picket posts. We wouldn’t mind if the women police personals come forward and become a bartender for us.
• The liquor vends should be made open on 24/7 and on pan India basis.
• Alcohol Subsidy.
• We would even suggest you to promote small ice-cream-carts type Liquor-vending-carts, to be installed on every corner of the country.
• A special insurance scheme should be launched and also the premium be paid, by the Government.
• Free Medi Care.
• Free Bus, Train, Air travel, because we often even don’t know the difference.
• Alcohol products should be made available on Ration Cards, on all Ration shops.
• A constitution should be passed to punish all the wives who nag us for drinking.
• I would suggest you to create a different quota all together for us. Now that will read like S.C.’s, S.T’s, OBC’s and Byovara’s…
• It should be made mandatory for every individual to carry a bottle of a whiskey, always, period.
• Two-wheelers and four-wheelers should be made with fancy glass holders all around. It should be made mandatory as in the case of Seat belts.
• For the sake Byovara brethren of poor community, I request to make it mandatory for all municipal corporations to clean the gutters regularly. And if possible make arrangements for the beddings too.

These are just a few demands, the list could be endless. I request you to throw in your two cents as I am yet to prepare my final list to be put in front of the Government.

Please leave your traces on comments page.

Chow for now

Raawanistically yours

Chota Raawan