What woman wants…?

I finally managed to crack the code of a puzzle which dazzled the human brains (male) for centuries. Its better than cracking The Da Vinci Code. It was so simple to do that even fifth grader could have done it, or better yet Shahrukh Khan. I now know what woman wants. I am strongly of a view that a woman wants a woman, well… as a companion. Its, what they want, or better, say they want feminine characters in men. Now that you know finally what woman wants, I am going to explain my research analysis.

She wants her man to be sensual, sensitive, caring, affectionate and blah, blah, blah and etc… Weren’t those of the male macho characters that the cave woman liked when she got attracted to the cave man? The cave woman certainly had fallen for his manly characters. His unmatched quality for hunting the birds with boomerang. Killing a lion for her new lingerie. Watching kids playing with the pet lion was his favorite time pass, “Ooops… darling here goes your daughter from the neighbor, you can always call him home again, no sweat.”

All those manly characters that she liked in cave man, evaporated in like 40,000 years and it changed the whole concept of marriage.

Lets consider the case of one beautiful night, when right after having the supper, the couple is sitting in their bed, talking. Woman talking about how she managed to faux-pass man’s mother. Man busy in his thoughts surfing channels, TV on mute. Now what do you think the two are thinking.

Man: If only she could be silent for a minute I would know what Rachel and Ross are talking about in “Friends”. Necessity is the mother of invention, like lip reading. Learn Lip reading, dude. Some of my friends told me that they are very good at lip reading. They would simply switch to a news channel and let there lip reading expertise to work for them, or at least they can read the scrolling bar.

Woman: If only he cares about me and loves me, he could at least look at me while I am speaking to him. He doesn’t love me anymore, or may be I looking fat. Am I looking fat? Our cat is growing fatter; I need to check what she eats… and so on and on and on.

I tell you guys Hoongah the cave man was a patient man. He did not even have a TV set. He must have spent his evenings looking at the empty walls of his stone cave. Now that’s what I call mute. That must be really frustrating. Equally for you Raawan uncle, you too did not have TV sets in your times. But you could afford all those belly dancers in your personnel harem. Those girls must have been a great help.

Any ways men and women think differently, so differently that the interior decorations of their minds are different. While woman’s brain is multicolored and there are frills all around, man’s brain has all the toys and tanks and the tank tops he removed, too. You would not find men talking about their favorite colors; they prefer to talk about their favorite beer, or favorite neighbor’s wife. But woman wants her husband to talk of beauty and colors, which is not a manly thing to do. Hence proved: she wants a woman to talk to. If only the sex part of the marriage is taken out just to think about the possibility, I think a woman can live with a woman for centuries. Talking.

It would be a convenience-of-sort kind of relation. They can share the daily chores. Like Miss A (sorry Mrs.) can wash the clothes one day and Mrs. B can do the laundry the other day. An entire day would be kept for bitching after every 28 days. The house would smell like a temple, and it would be as clean a house as it was never used, for years at end. A fat proportion (say 93.87%) of the household income would be spent on telephone and credit card bills.

A room would be dedicated to the topless posters of Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, all the Khans, Abhishek Bachhan, Hritik Roshan and Bobby Darling, oops, sorry not at least Bobby Darling, topless Karan Johar would still be better. A room can also be dedicated to stuffed toys, or may be we could avoid that, as a girl or two can easily fit in a six-by-six foot bed with fifty stuffed toys. Some times I think it’s a matter of choice, but we would not discuss it here.

No questions would be asked if somebody is crying in home. Crying would be treated as a healthy exercise in the household. In fact an hour can be kept for crying, daily, as house chores. In-laws would be treated (or not treated) equally. An entire legislation can be jotted for what and what not to be taken from the in-laws, as an advice. Nagging would be treated as holy practice.

It would actually be a dream world for woman, and I think its worth a shot, what say you. Do let me know.

Chow for now

Raawanistically yours

Chota Raawan